Is It Getting Warm Around This Fire?

I'm back at work today after an extended weekend camping trip with my old friend Danny.

Camp as a row of pink tents.

Our extensive and scientific research tells us that there's nothing about cold rainy weather that will keep you from sitting around a fire and drinking large amounts of beer. It also seems, though the data is sketchy, that the more beer you consume the more hilariously entertaining it is to melt beer bottles in a campfire.

Does this make you horny, baby?

It also seems that sharing beer is an attractive quality according to at least one semi-nomadic English woman. She was with a group of about twelve other campers making a tour of the western United States who were only in camp for one night as they made their way around the great parks of Southern Utah.

As night fell and cold-rainy weather caused an inevitable boredom to set in, I meandered into the group's camp with a couple of Garage Frog beers as a friendship offering and introduced myself. They kindly invited us to join them around the fire for s'mores and conversation. I took an available seat and handed a bottle to the woman sitting next to me.

She marveled that anyone would willingly give up alcohol when they could just as easily drink it themselves. "In England", she told me, "it might actually be against the law to go around giving away beer all willy-nilly."

The entire evening she kept saying really great things like "posh", "brilliant" and "you'd do great in England with that sexy American accent." It was cute. It turns out it was also her birthday and she had been celebrating for some hours already with the seemingly-endless supply of cheap American beer the tour guide had on hand.

It also seemed that the more of my beer she had to drink, in addition to the several she had already downed, the more attractive I became. I know this because as I stood to leave at the end of the evening she cracked me up by telling me, "Good night, Pete. Very lovely to meet you. If you're ever in London, look me up. My name is Helen."

Filed under - Beer | Photos | Travel

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Oh Bloody Hell ...

Submitted by Sara Sue on April 24, 2007 - 10:58pm.

yeah, she wanted you bad, Pete! When are you planning your trip to London?

London...

Submitted by Pete on April 25, 2007 - 9:02am.

Oh, right away. After all, I know so much about her. It would totally be worth abandoning my family and chasing this woman whose last name I don't even know.

It would be just like a Jane Austen novel. You know, I drop everything and show up in England asking everyone if they know someone called Helen. For years I toil unsuccessfully as the butler for a snooty, rich widow. Only to find Helen is the woman's estranged niece who shows up only to announce her engagement to a pauper of whom her family disapproves. As a twist, the pauper is my friend Danny, from the states whom I thought had died in a router explosion years earlier.

Eventually though Helen comes between us we patch up our friendship and Helen finds true love with the French prostitute I had been secretly sending money to in support of her child. It would seem that the child is mine and causes some consternation among my social circle but it turns out the child is actually my misbegotten brother's and I am supporting the child out of family obligation.

You been thinking ...

Submitted by Sara Sue on April 25, 2007 - 5:24pm.

about this a lot, haven't you??

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Is It Getting Warm Around This Fire?

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