A Real Power Trip

It's raining today. That's good because it means I get to wear my Champion Spark Plug windbreaker.

Outside

I know I've gone on quite a bit about this jacket but seriously, is your Champion racing apparel official? I didn't think so.

Inside

Due to the rain and lots of high wind and possibly some rogue gnome activity in the neighborhood, the power is out at my house. I love it when the power goes out. It gives me a chance to use my fatherly tone and remind the kids that "when I was a boy the power always went out because we couldn't afford to pay the bill. So quit your bitching just because you have to watch your DVDs on a laptop instead of this new-fangled 108" diagonal HD projection screen."

Also, not too long ago, at our old house in Tooele... that's pronounced two-ill-uh, not toolie, too-ay-lay or too-elle... Anyway, one time the power went out because the major high-voltage line feeding the valley was hit by a plane or the invading marauders of Johnson's Army or something. The entire city was in pitch black and it was expected that we would spend at least several hours that way. It just so happened that I was in the middle of cooking dinner on our electric stove at the time. Convenient.

Of course, I'm a real live mountain man. I know things. I own things. Propane-fueled things. So I did like my pioneer ancestors would have done... I used a Coleman camp stove on my front porch. I mean, they would have done that if there had been Coleman camp stoves. My ancestors actually probably would have just gnawed on raw wheat like it was gum and thanked God for their bounty while their children died under the hooves of oxen... but I digress.

This masculine show of manly manitude and manness, which is improvised outdoor cooking, naturally led to Donna getting herself worked into a lather to the point where she just had to have me. Plus, the TV didn't work, so we had to kill some time somehow. Somehow or another, I'm never sure exactly how these things happen, I ended up, you know...down there... you know... with my mouth.

When this sort of thing is going on, its pretty difficult not to feel like I have God-like powers. I mean, I seem pretty much all-powerful to me. On this occasion however, I proved it. You see, at the very instant Donna... well... finished... the lamp by the bed, the overhead light, the television in the bedroom, the lights in the bathroom, the clock radio and the entire county came to life.

Yes, I actually have the ability to lick the power back on. Very handy.