Anullment for the dead? Punch in the throat for the dead?
A few months ago my grandfather commented that, while the Jordan River temple was active and busy, other temples worldwide sat relatively idle. Some are open only a few days a month and even then, I'm told, activity is pretty low.
I think they could really boost attendance by adding a few new ordinances.
Confession for the dead. Temple-goers would get a chance to sit in proxy for now-dead persons in a meeting with their bishop. Patrons would read from a list of all known sins committed by the person. Families would now have to include gathering of sins committed as part of their genealogy.
Matchmaking for the dead. Persons who died single would be computer matched based on their forty-nine love components and would then have their names submitted for sealing.
Honeymoon for the dead. Patrons would lay in proxy for those whose matchmakings and sealings had just been performed in their name.
What do you guys think? Did I miss any?
Filed under - MormonismI'm sure that many of the dead would really appreciate someone who would resign from LDS Inc on their behalf.
You could really, really boost attendance if the honeymoon idea were extended to cover taking a nice cruise with the proxy partner of your choice. After all, if it is done in the name of god it must be OK - though it might look like sinning.
I would ask Bishop Higgins (http://bishophiggins.blogspot.com/) about it, but he's such an ornery critter that he would probably find some way to not let any of us have any "fun" that way. Even if we promised not to be light minded, or to indulge in loud laughter.
Wow! I second that one! I think if they had resignation from the 'church' for the dead, the temples would be like beehives. No pun intended, of course.
As a non-mo, I have always kind of wondered, how do people who perform these proxy ordinances know the people on whose behalfs/behalves (?) they are acting could even have qualified for a temple recommend?
I imagine some 70-year-old mormom grandma with helmet hair and a pasted-on smile happily going through the temple rites having no idea the ancestor she is doing it for took it up the rear every Tuesday night in the goat shed.
Maybe that's a question we should pose to Bishop Higgins. I am sure he'll answer forthrightly, giving the question and church teachingon it the honest scrutiny it deserves
...both at "matchmaking for the dead" and at Becca's vivid description of possible ancestral goat-shed activities!
you could at least TRY to respect your wife's feelings and her beliefs by not making fun of them. It would get you a lot farther in your relationship. You don't have to like them, but you do need to respect her. Have you ever thought about how much it hurts her when you say stuff like this?
A joke to you maybe. It's not funny to her when those beliefs are part of what makes her who she is. Yes, I'm a member. Active, not really. But I still respect other's beliefs, and try not to make fun of them. Shit on the Church all you want, but remember your shitting on Donna too. :(
You're falling into a typical trap which assuming that my making light of the patently ridiculous goings-on in the temple that I am, in turn, "mocking" all Mormons. You also falsely presume that because I don't personally take it seriously doesn't mean that I don't take her seriously. I have no doubt that she is devout in her convictions. But I am not a devout Mormon. The same expectation of reverence cannot, and should not, be applied to me or anyone else.
I'm sure, as much as you claim to "respect" others' beliefs that you don't actually apply the same level of reverence when dealing with them that most Mormons expect of everybody else regarding the temple.
For example... have you ever said, without regard for the implication to Hindus, "Holy Cow"? What about, "Bible Thumper" or "J-Dub". Ever scoffed at how silly Jehovah's Witnesses or Scientologists are? Or joked about silly those apostate Catholics are to worship Mary and pray to her image in the sap of a tree?
Have you ever belonged to a religion whose leaders referred to Catholicism as "the Great and Abominable Whore of All The Earth"? Or whose tenets classify all religions into two classes, the Church of God (us) and the Church of the Devil (every one else)...
That's what I thought.
The fact is, people don't have respect for other peoples' beliefs. To do so, fully, requires a level of devotion to those beliefs which, obviously, they don't share.
The standard of reverence Mormons expect the rest of the planet to apply to the temple alone is almost an unwitting invitation to make light of it.
Also, don't forget, that I was once too an active, temple-going Mormon. So for me to express my feelings in any way I choose about what is a very serious and daily topic to me, is completely my prerogative.
Your perogative, yes. I'm not talking about everyone else's beliefs. I am talking about your wife's beliefs. If my husband was LDS and I was not, I wouldn't be on a website cracking jokes about his religion where I know he can/would read it. I don't have to agree or keep my mouth shut, but I would at least TRY to be respectful of my husband's feelings because I love and respect him, and because I actually give a damn about how he feels. And no, I don't criticize other religions. Never have. It's not who I am or what I'm about. I don't get off by poking fun at other's belief systems. So actually, you won't hear any phrases like that coming out of my mouth.
I know you don't give a damn how I feel, but maybe you should give a damn about how Donna feels.
Thanks for the chuckle.
I have a feeling that Dani doesn't understand that most Mormons have a pretty good sense of humor. They can laugh at themselves and usually don’t get offended by too much (other than profanity or graphic sex talk). I am sure most Mormons would at least smile at some of your suggestions.
BTW, the honeymoon thing could really get out of hand when it comes to polygamy.
It's said the Truth should be able to withstand examination...well I think it should be able to withstand a few jokes as well...
Thank you, Dani. I appreaciate your words. I do like making fun of the way I am. Seriously I belong to a pecular religion, but sometimes I do feel like it goes to far. I personally know that Pete HATES being made fun of, no matter what it is. It makes him feel insecure.
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Can you ensure your ex's burn in heck? Or hell, or whatever?
Sorry, rough child and ex-relationship week.
Funny post Pete.