Ouch.
I know that you included positive things in this post,(Which is good) but for the moment I am just going to ignore those and feel sad at the loss of the dream.
"Are you sure you're OK?"
She asked me twice just to be sure. I was OK. I am OK. Really. But Donna was observant to recognize that a little part of me had been broken that morning. A tiny little fantasy crushed by circumstance and bad timing.
"We've been struggling with this decision and while we feel you're still a strong candidate for this position, the timing isn't quite right for us with the current match of project load", the email from New York said.
In other words, I didn't get the job because they need someone to start right away instead of in six or eight weeks when I would be available to make the move to the east coast. When you read an email like that you don't digest the part about being a strong candidate and please be in touch and all that. All you consume is the rejection. The part that says, "you're not exactly what we want."
Now, at least, we are able to move on with the life we've put on hold here in Salt Lake waiting to know about this opportunity. See, in the past few weeks, as I've waited and interviewed and waited and interviewed, I've been on pause. As if, like the hero in an action movie, I jumped to make my scissor kick move and lingered in mid-air while bad guy's bullet whizzed past my face. As new projects at work came along, the ones I knew would come to me after I would have moved, I feigned interest without fully engaging myself in the moment.
Likewise, as Donna and I considered Christmas gifts for the girls, we found ourselves unable to commit to anything at all. Should we buy new skis and snowboards for our winters here in the Rocky Mountains? If we get the big doll house will we have room for it in the Brooklyn apartment? Would we know about the job in time to get the kids Broadway theater tickets for their stockings?
But in many ways, we were living something of a compartmentalized double life. We were dreaming of our adventure to the big city while simultaneously denying ourselves the indulgence of the fantasy by casually talking about our summer plans as if there weren't a tornado roaring towards our life ready to turn our lives upside down. As if admitting to ourselves that we may move would be simply too enormous to digest.
But all that is now of no consequence. For now, at least, we're not going anywhere. I can rededicate myself to my job here. The job that absent the New York skyline is, in every way, my dream job. Now we can just go ahead and send the check to renew our Utah license plates. I can talk about next season's shows at the theater as if I'll really be available. And in those ways, I'm glad to have a conclusion.
And now I can brew that batch of beer I've been holding off making because I wasn't sure if I'd have to move it when it really needed to be sitting quietly undisturbed in the basement. Ah, this little suburban life here in Salt Lake isn't exactly where I thought I'd be if you'd asked me fifteen years ago. No. It's really much, much better.
Filed under - I Heart NYCOuch.
I know that you included positive things in this post,(Which is good) but for the moment I am just going to ignore those and feel sad at the loss of the dream.
is awesome, and it will still be there. When you go there for the next dream job. It's a great place to live. I'm sure you'll do it if you want to.
Sorry about the job, though.
In a tiny little way, I know how you feel, as I too missed out on a job recently that I wanted sooo badly...
I hope that you keep on looking for new opportunities in NYC. I know that its not a matter of if you reach your goal, but when. Sending hugs and support along your way. :)
Not quite as dramatic, but I FINALLY got the word that we won't be in our new house by Christmas. It was amazing how much we were "up in the air" about what to do about the tree, etc., and now that we know...things are more simple. As much as it was a disappointment, it was also a relief.
Not as big as your deal, but I hate "life in limbo."
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