Bamboozled

Some of the parking at the building where I ~~spend all day on Twitter~~ work is covered by a freeway overpass. But, despite the fact that the overpass keeps the harsh weather off of my car, I rarely park in that part of the lot because it also keeps the harsh weather off of the homeless people who like to poop there. Yesterday though, I pulled into a spot under the freeway for a minute as I took a phone call that came in as I was trying to dash away for a quick dinner before an evening of lugging computers from room to room.

So there I was, minding my own beeswax, coordinating the contractors who were coming to help with the planned server move, when ... KLUNK ... as I was saying ... I was talking on the phone ... KLUNK ... What the hell? ... KLUNK ...

"I'll call you right back."

KLUNK

Rocks were hitting the roof of my car and rolling lazily off the windshield and onto the hood. But why? A vandal from across the lot? Bridge failure? Pigeons defending their territory?

Well, yeah... pigeons.

I snuck up on the nest today and snapped this covert reconnaissance photo.

As I got out of the car and looked up to find the source of the pebbles, I saw the culprit poking her head out the side of her nest atop the steel girder on the underside of the roadway high above me. She quickly ducked back into her nest and then popped right back out.

What the hell is that in her beak?

KLUNK

"You bitch!", I shouted like a deranged hobo at the bird. This was clearly a deliberate act. She wanted me away from her nest.

KLUNK

I was clearly in what she deemed a no parking zone. And since I didn't have a slingshot stuffed in my back pocket, it was time to move. She had won this battle.

But I promise you this... The next time I catch that damn bird humping on the sill of my office window, I will win the war. By pushing that feathered slut to the street below and leaving her to the mercy of the peregrine falcons and pelicans. I hope Thomas Monson can forgive me.