I still have Megan's phone. Her grounding is, at this point, open-ended. But I have to admit... each day I keep the phone from her I feel a little sense of accomplishment. The same sense of accomplishment one might feel, I have to imagine, each day they go to the gym in a row. As if by keeping my word to take the phone away I am adding years to my life.
Normally, being my first-born and all, she would have manipulated me into reducing her punishment. She's very good at those kinds of things. It wouldn't have surprised me if she'd have found a way to get ME to apologize to HER and to take her for ice cream to make up for it. I can't explain my resolve this time except to say that I'm getting a quiet satisfaction out of not being coerced.
Plus, there's a hell-of-a-lot of homework getting done these days. You see, every day she makes a point to be very obvious about doing her homework. And she does it cooperatively, without the usual indignation and without waging the Math War she normally fights whenever I try to show her the correct way to solve for X.
Then, like a prisoner humbly requesting parole, she bats her eyelashes and asks, "Daddy? Will I definitely get my phone back on Monday?"
And my answer is always the same. "If you're make-up homework is done, maybe."
I know it's working and I know I like it but what I can't figure out is, is this motivating with the carrot or the stick?
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I had a similar situation with my 3rd grader who has been an excellent student. The teacher had sent me a note recently that none of her home work had been done in the last few weeks and that she had to stay in for recess to get it done. When we questioned her about it she burst into tears and admitted to not doing it. "Why?"we asked "I don't know "she answered. We talked about it and agreed that there would be no friends, phonecalls or playdates for a week. She has diligently done her homework since and brought it to us to check. We rewarded her with a sleepover. It really opened up lines of comunication with her....for now.
Your daughter should know that her phone is a reward, privlidge, carrot of a sort, not a right . Good for you for sticking to the punishment. May I do as well when my daughter is 13.