my family's not all that close. and i've struggled to get along with my own dad, too.
this is a real bummer. sorry, dude.
So. My grandfather died. Umm. Like. Maybe a couple weeks ago. Though I'm not exactly sure when. Or how. Or where. See, it turns out my dad kind of forgot to tell me. I heard it last night from Donna who heard it yesterday from my new new mom.
This grandfather was my father's biological father. Long before I came along, my dad had a new dad and this guy was relegated to the role of "Grandpa Deb". I knew him mostly from photographs and anecdotes and the last time I saw him in person was at my wedding fifteen years ago. My father didn't care for him much. Nevertheless, he WAS my grandfather.
Because my dad thought Deb was a shitty father and grandfather, I'm sure the news of his death was shrugged off with a "good riddance". And then his disdain for the man and his bad example made my dad do the most ironic thing he could find to do. He did exactly the kind of thing Deb would have done that gave my dad such a poor opinion of him in the first place. He neglected his role as a good man and father and forgot to call his kids with the news.
I haven't yet spoken to my dad about this yet. I mean, I know it pisses me off and I'd like to get some more details about the circumstances of Deb's death but I have a very hard time being the custodian of our own father/son relationship. I'm the son, it's not MY job to make sure he's fulfilling his fatherly duties. Funny. This is one of the things my dad once told me made him so angry towards Deb.
"It's too much work", he would say. "If he wants to be my dad, he knows how to get ahold of me."
There's another element to my feelings here too. I'm not sure exactly how, or if, I'm supposed to mourn this man. Especially since I didn't even get the chance to go to his funeral. We are genetically linked. We even look alike. But I didn't know him, not really.
I guess if I want to find out more about him, I should try and find out more about my own father. Near as I can tell, they're cut from the same cloth.
Filed under - Familymy family's not all that close. and i've struggled to get along with my own dad, too.
this is a real bummer. sorry, dude.
Since my MIL died 18 months ago, we've had little or no contact with my SIL or FIL. Apparently, though we didn't know it, she was the glue that held things together. It bothers my husband a lot - he's tried to stay in touch, but apparently it bothers them not one whit.
Sorry to hear this - it always feels incomplete to me not to be able to close some of those loopholes before someone dies.
I get along with my family most of the time. However, I feel the same towards most of them as you do with your father. They will always complain "we hardly see or hear from you". It really gets me mad when they say this. As if I only have the ability to contact/visit them. Then again I am the only one in my family to leave the church. So perhaps my life is less significant now that I ruined the completeness of the celestial family. I bet they won't come to visit me on one of the lower kingdoms of heaven either. They will just go on about how I never call.
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That is horrible.