My brother's wife has been in town with their kids for a couple of weeks. She flew in to help her brother finalize the preparations for his wedding to a Filipino mail-order bride. Or something like that. Maybe he met her while he was a Mormon missionary in the Philippines. I'm not entirely sure and the more I hear, the stranger it all seems. It's best to just pretend like it isn't going on around me.
While they were here, we had some good time to spend with my nephews and niece while their mother went off shopping for the world's tiniest wedding shoes and blah blah blah, who cares. During their visits with us we reaffirmed that which Donna and I already suspected.
My nephew is autistic.
The Mayo Clinic's article on autism provides a checklist that in every way describes nearly-six-year-old "J". He seems to be unable to make eye contact. Conversations are brief and repetitive. He has several obvious physical ticks and distractions. Like the thing he does with his spoon, waving it past his right eye over and over. And while he is not anti-social, he is mis-social, following the other kids around and invading personal boundaries well beyond that of normal social neediness.
The list goes on and on. Any of these traits, on their own, could be considered totally within the range of normal. Together though, they seem to add up to something more.
When I pointed my mother to this list her response was dismissive with a hint of defensiveness. Saying something to the effect of, "Oh, that's not true. He sees his doctor regularly and they work with his teachers on his behavior." This comes as no surprise as my mother actually invented denial. It's true. She holds the patent on several major neuroses.
My brother and his wife also seem to act as if J's obvious and numerous social and physical developmental challenges are nothing more than odd quirks.
No, my diagnosis is not a professional one. And I want to be clear that I don't mean to attach any stigma to his apparent condition. Quite the opposite. I'd hope that those involved in J's well-being could look past any potential label and come to terms with his condition in a way that gets him the best possible shot and a quality lifestyle.
Filed under - Family | Health and MedicineI have a friend with an autistic son, and your nephew's symptoms sure sound familiar. I'm sorry they're in denial about it. It seems the teachers should have more of a clue. All you can do is tell them your concerns in as non-confrontational a way as possible. The rest is up to them.
It's also totally possible that they have considered it, had him tested, and one way or the other have decided it's not something they want to talk about. In any case, I'm only speculating.
I am a mother to 3 children with Autism. Before my first one was diagnosed I would have given anything to have a family member point me in the right direction. I knew something was not right. I just didn't know what it was. The thing that breaks my heart is when I hear of parents that are in denial with is very common. Because they are losing priceless time and interventions that need to be started at a young age to have the most benefit for the child.
Pete, feel free to contact me privately on this matter.
My mother in law told us we were in denial that our son had autism. Well three years later he has been cleared of everything, and is clearly nothing like an autistic child.
The problem with telling someone this is, if they disagree, they automatically are in "denial." It's very frustrating.
As one of our teachers said, "Autism is the new ADD." I think it's an over used fad word.
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Someone pointed out that this story seems like I am poking fun at autism.
Please, please, please know that I'm not. Not at all. Not even a little.
I am aware that this subject is sensitive, especially to those with family members with autism.
As always, I only speak to my own experiences and would never mean to paint anyone with broad strokes. We love J very much. He's a great kid.
I simply am trying to point to some of the many challenges those of who are close to autism face.
I don't pretend to be an expert or to say that my experience is typical. I also don't intend anything I said to be derogatory.