"Which tennis shoes would you like to wear to school today? Gray or brown?"

"Did you just ask her who she's voting for in November?"

"No. John McCain isn't gray, stupid."

"Sure he is. His face is the...

I have a niece. Well, I have a bunch of nieces, actually. But there's this one in particular. She's four.

Her brain is a magical place where words go in, rattle around and, like those million monkeys sitting at...

Our daughter is a big fat liar.

In fact, I'm going to start calling her wikipedia because if she tells you something, and you cite her as the source in your book report. Your teacher will write on your paper, in big...

You know how it would be really cool to have a time machine? Like, you could totally go back before you had kids and hang around the house in your underwear and drink beer or, you know, go to the demolition derby or a bar...

I need a favor. Can you, real quick, go read every post on this site and tell me which ones I need to delete?

Earlier today, I was checking out my server logs and noticed a couple of referrals from Google searches...

Some of you will be angry at me for what I'm about to tell you. If this makes you angry, let me know so I can come take a crap in your family room and see how you react. If that's no big deal to you, I can come back once...

Heather Armstrong didn't ask me to write a guest post while...

You may remember that despite being the freaking awesomest dance partner in...

Friday, when I said tomorrow, I meant today.

I'm not going to spoil this with a lot of...

The love for my children is infinite. It knows no bounds.

I know. Vomit.

I've never found the limits of my love for them... but I can see the edge from here.

Several of the last Saturday mornings have...