Fiddley Gomme - Science

In Space They're Waiting For The Shit To Hit The Fan... Again

Pete — Tue, 27 May 2008 23:41:49 -0400

This reminds me of my week on the river. I'm sure wherever he is, Claire is blaming me for breaking the shitter.

What Does The USGS Have To Say About All This?

Pete — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 14:25:47 -0500

There's a volcano on my nose. Not a pokey-outie kind like Mount Vesuvius or Mount St. Helens. No. Mine is like the one that lives underneath Yellowstone that threatens to devour the entire center of North America.

Yesterday, there was some seismic activity. Several fissures appeared in the crust of the earth near, but not exactly on the epicenter. These tremors make me look like I lost a hockey fight.

Except no one would ever believe that I was playing hockey. Unless you know Stephen Hawking or Paul Reubens, I am the least athletic person you know.

I've resorting to treating myself to some of Megan's Mary Kay Acne Blemish Super Remover Tween-girl Psuedo-medicine Crap. It doesn't really work instantly (if it works at all) so I need to come up with a good backstory, incase anyone asks, "What the fuck is up with the thing on your nose?". That is, if they aren't too frightened to talk to me.

The best thing I can think to tell people is that I accidentally scraped it on Donna's IUD.

Think they'll buy that? Any better ideas?

Major Scientific Breakthrough

Pete — Fri, 08 Dec 2006 19:42:11 -0500

Donna has become very interested in whales lately.

"That's a humpback whale", she proudly announced. An advertisement on TV had just flashed a quick shot of a tail rising briefly from the water.

"Cool. How can you tell?"

"I've been reading a lot about them lately. I can tell almost any kind of whale just by looking at the tail."

"Freaking awesome. That's way cooler than my skill of knowing what year a Honda Civic was built by looking at its tail lights."

"Did you know that whales used to live on land? Like, two-hundred-million years ago? Scientist figure they probably walked on all fours, like an alligator. Well, except they were mammals", she boasted.

"I didn't know that. Not specifically. I do think that pretty much all life started out in a tepid pool in Africa or something and evolved from there. So a blue whale on land must have been impressive", I added.

"I don't think ALL life evolved from a single-celled organism. I think ANIMALS evolved but that people were placed here. I believe in the Adam and Eve story though I think it is possible that humans were built by God using evolution", she testified.

"You can't believe in evolution of species AND biblical creation. The Garden of Eden account says there was no death before six or seven-thousand years ago. Evolution isn't possible without a cycle of death, predators, a need to propagate and improve the species in the face of threats."

"I'm not sure that I think Adam and Eve left the garden only six-thousand years ago."

"Well, that's certainly what most Bible-believing Christians teach and it's what the Mormon church teaches too."

"Where?", she snapped.

"Doctrine and Covenants, Section 77 is pretty clear about it. Joseph Smith and Brigham Young preached it very specifically."

"Hmm. I'll have to look into that."

This exchange seemed to have genuinely put her off her guard. I really don't think she has ever really been faced with so obvious a collusion of faith and reality.

I can only hope she does look into it. There is no middle ground in creationism. It is an important and central doctrine in Mormonism. The temple ceremony depends on it as does the entire pre-mortal existence doctrine.

It is not as easy a thing to shelve as, say, the evolution of the Word of Wisdom.

Speaking As A Man

Pete — Fri, 20 Oct 2006 20:29:25 -0400

"We will never get a man into space. This earth is man's sphere and it was never intended that he should get away from it... The moon is a superior planet to the earth and it was never intended that man should go there. You can write it down in your books that this will never happen." - May 14,1961

— Joseph Fielding Smith, Jr

I've heard, as an excuse for President Smith's stupidity on this point, that he was merely 'speaking as a man' and that this opinion in no way should be taken as a reflection of official doctrine. Too bad he was actually standing at a pulpit when he said it, eh?

Stand In The Place That You Were

Pete — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 18:30:34 -0400

Even if the Liahona were real, which it isn't, it still wouldn't be as useful as my analog watch for finding which way is is which.

In the northern hemisphere, when the hour hand of an analog watch is pointed towards the sun, south will be halfway between the hour hand and 12 o'clock.

That is, at 9AM the sun is in the southeast. Pointing the hour hand (that's the little one) at the sun (southeast at this point) will orient 12 o'clock at southwest. Due south will be halfway between the hour hand (SE) and 12 (SW).

Notice how no faith, prayer or fasting is required. It even works if you murmur. This trick, unlike the fictional Liahona, also has the handy feature of being a replicatable experiment. That means you can know for yourself that this information is the truth. Just take a compass and a watch outside and prove it to yourself. Handy.

In the southern hemisphere, the same trick will help you find north.

Keep in mind, if you believe the Earth is flat, this will seem like voodoo witch magic to you. If that's the case, now would be a good time to start running the hot bath water and get out a sharp razor.

Depending on the exact time of year, latitude, daylight savings time, etc, there will be some variation. In most cases (that is, unless you are lost in northern Alaska or the South Pole) it is a fairly accurate way to orient yourself.

I assure you, I never found even close to this much direction from a General Conference talk.

Fossil Butte National Monument

Pete — Mon, 21 Aug 2006 12:29:54 -0400

The vacation this past weekend included a day trip to Fossil Butte National Monument. Fossil Butte is a 50-million year old lake bed. The Visitors' Center has hundreds of fossils on display. It also has an impressive exhibit showing the timeline of the Earth.

The Earth is 4500 million years old, according to their information. Life began 700 million years ago. The fossil record within this one National Monument shows advanced life on this planet 50 million years old.

We are able to know the age of these fossils with unprecedented accuracy in this location because of a wide array of age-indicators. Carbon dating is of course used. But there are also volcanic markers in the now-exposed layers of the Earth's crust. These markers allow a given layer of fossil evidence to be dated in comparison to known volcanic activity in the area.

There is also a continuous, unbroken fossil record from the beginning of that ancient lake to modern times. Almost each passing season can be documented thanks to the cross section that now appears in the butte.

See, the top of the butte is actually the ancient lake bottom. The land around the lake bottom has since fallen because of seismic activity, exposing millions of years of documentable history. There is no doubt about the age of the life now buried there.

I asked Donna as we left, "I wonder how people who believe the Earth is only 6000 years old reconcile a place like this in their minds."

"I don't know", she said.

I know from my conversations with her that she does not hold that belief herself. Her claim is that man has been on Earth for 6000 years and that God's method for creating the planet may have taken eons. While there are still gaping holes in this belief, clumsily duct-taped together with faith and hope, it at least does not shun the most obvious of observable reality.

My brother-in-law used the opportunity to point out, "see, this place was once tropical. The Earth cools and warms naturally without any help from man. You can't buy into everything the liberals are trying to sell you."

"True", I said, "But there's more evidence of man-caused warming than just historic temperature data. There are ice core samples, for example, that show a rapid and unprecedented increase in global temperature since the man-made industrial revolution. There's more than one variable to take into account.

In fact, every single reputable scientific source, politically motivated and otherwise, agree that human activity has been increasing the concentration of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere.

Plus, what's the worst thing that could happen if you bought into all this 'liberal rhetoric'? Less dependency on oil? Alternative fuels? Lower energy consumption? Lower energy bills?"

"No, the worst thing that could happen is that one group of people gets to tell another how to think", He replied.

"Explain to me how that is different from the conservative rhetoric about gay marriage and prayer in school."

He couldn't.